Namaste

16Feb10

I raced to a hot yoga class tonight to find solace.  Peace.  Tranquility.

I planned the sitter, made a treaty with my guilty conscience and walked out the door, leaving my kids behind without a second look.

Wait, wait . . . that was only what I wanted to happen.

What actually happened was that I was running late despite my best efforts to be on time.  The sitter arrived and I filled her on dinner and bedtime expectations.  I grabbed my yoga mats, my bottle of water, my wallet and my keys.  My keys –

Shit.  Missing keys.  And I am not talking about missing for a few seconds.  I had fifteen minutes to make it to the yoga studio that is two minutes away.  I searched every square inch of the house.  I knew they were there, I had driven home from work, but now, in the midst of my well-planned night of zen, they were gone and I was a bit harried.

I rallied for a moment when I realized that Trevor’s keys were here.  The benefits to a spouse being away is that their keys are around to save you.  Right? No.  Not the case – that would have been to simple.  I couldn’t find those either (and when I am done writing this, Trevor will be getting a bit of an email scolding).

Despite my best attempts to hold it together and not appear a selfish child, I frayed.  I yelled at the kids.  I bribed them with money.  I threatened what would happen if the keys weren’t found.  I wooed them with promises of mysterious prizes.

And then, before I erupted into an all out temper tantrum, I called my neighbor, Page.  I quietly explained that I was on the brink and asked for her keys.  She graciously handed them over, with a mixed look of fear (for herself or me?), pity and sisterhood.  She knows.

I am not one to cope well with last-minute changes that impact my well-being.  I hate knowing that I caused the chaos.  I loathe the reassuring rhetoric that “all things happen for a reason.”

I took her keys and ran.

Ironically, the class had been changed and now started thirty minutes later.  The sitter sent me a text that my darling daughter Fia had found my keys (in my work bag, of course).  I drove home, switched cars and still had time to catch my breath. I created a new beginning that involved peace.  Tranquility.  I found the time that I had lost and was able to start the evening as I had envisioned it – on time, relaxed and fully present for myself.

And, fine.  Yes.  OK.  I’ll say it:

All things DO happen for a reason.

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2 Responses to “Namaste”

  1. Amy: You amaze me, your words touch me and your love for your family moves me.
    Linda Packo

  2. 2 Michelle

    So maybe we make copies of our house keys AND car keys to share with each other….just in case. 🙂 Glad you got your yoga time. Please call me when you want to do another class. I am happy to come hang with the girls.


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