to begin . . .

10Feb10

The beginning of anything is always scary.  Change is enticing but also a bit alarming  – we do not know what the path will be, what the answers are, if it is right for us.

Maybe this is why I have taken almost a month to begin writing.  I have entered these thoughts, these blogs, in my mind daily.  Repeatedly I found myself authoring the thoughts in my head that I wanted to put to the keyboard, but I stalled.  I was scared.

Of what?  The uncertainty of my emotions.

I want to document my journey through the next few months, but, even as I get ready to publish this first post, I still don’t know what that means.  Do I want to write as the mother that I am and depict the daily trials and comedic errors that surround me?  Would it be funny?  Sad?  Sane?  Am I willing to allow others to see my vulnerabilities as a parent?

I struggled as the Marine Corps wife that I am and am not – I want to travel down the path of “this is what my life is like as a pseudo single parent while my spouse is out there saving the world” – but can I?  I am not sure that discussion along those lines really reflects who I am.

I want to create something memorable – for me.  I want an outlet for my brain that isn’t about work, or kids, the laundry or the school board.  Yet, if I write, I know it will be about none of this and all of this.

I am afraid of the expectations I have of myself.  I am afraid of the expectations that I’ve yet to set.  I am afraid of doing too much and of doing too little.  I am afraid of critique and praise.  In short, I am scared of the beginning.

And yet, I couldn’t put it away.  The thoughts still wrote themselves.  The need to do something still lingered even when I told myself to stop – and so the journey begins. I will figure out the details and the direction as I write.

But for the moment, I am feeling brave.

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8 Responses to “to begin . . .”

  1. 1 Jennifer Mihaly

    So glad you are doing this, it is very brave as everyone has mentioned. But thinking back to when I first met you, you have always seemed brave to me and never defeated & always up for the challenge. As for being stuck with you…those girls are so lucky and I am sure as they closed their eyes after being kissed goodnight by their mommy they knew it too! I cannot wait to read more and I am very glad to see I am not the only person walking around “journalling” in my head! 🙂 love you, stay warm.

  2. 2 Jessica Bradshaw

    As I’m reading, I find myself wanting more. I love to hear whats going on in that brain of yours. You’re brilliant, you’re brave, and you have a beautiful soul. I hope you know that. Write on…

  3. 3 Lisa Pagano

    So proud of you for doing this!

  4. 4 Kim B

    Woopee! I am ready to read….about any and all of it.

  5. 5 Lauri

    I am ready to read…go for it. We can take any Amy you want to give us.

  6. 6 Page Owens

    CHEERS to you!!!!!! Here’s to a new beginning and a whole new Amy:) oxox

  7. Amazing Amy! Thanks for sharing this. You have an amazing writing voice. Can’t wait to read more. Love you bunches!

  8. 8 Amy Hoffman

    I love you and am glad you are blogging! You are brave,and an excellent writer. So forge ahead and be strong and very courageous!

    Hugs to you!


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